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MidnightDarkness666

Ruler Of The Dark World
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This morning as I walked to my mums I saw an stumbling, obviously drunk man urinating in broad daylight up a waist high wall not 5 minutes away from a Primary school. I thought to myself "I hate this f*cking town."

later on up the road next to a large park I saw a beautiful couple of Wood Peckers and thought "So there are good things about this town."

I continued to think about how badly this town is ruined by drunkards and chavs. I hear them outside screeching, arguing, effing and blinding at the top of their lungs, at all hours of the night.

I thought wouldn't it be nice if they were all just gone? Taken away? But no that won't happen just because they're white and British and therefor given free range to act like animals. We'd rather deport people from cultures that don't drink or do so responsibly than deal with our own stagnate culture of "The school of hard knocks", "Might makes right", "Da police don't give uz no respect like", "I drink to get away from my f*cking wife", "What did you f*cking say?", "I'll f*cking murder all a you f*cking sh*theads", "If you disagree wid me I'll hit yer and that makes me right", "Answer the f*cking door you slag before I toss him (the couples child) out the window!" to name a few of the expletives I've heard right outside my window.

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I recently decided to re-organise my personal art folder, taking out and storing all my old art. I stashed it along with my really old stuff that has never seen the light of day on here, and it never will, because it was embarrassing crap fuelled by the over-active and un-refined imagination of a 13 year old. I had a few laughs and felt good looking forward to the future, comparing how good I am now to the past.

A few days later I commented on a Journal :iconda-is-not-porn:

 had added to their group. The Journal, Lightly amused by the DA porn sinners.... was talking about the abuse they get from people when they remind them of the rules regarding nudity on here. They wrote a list of rebuffs against arguments people throw at them, including these two:
"-I am not scared of penises, sex, female genitalia or sexually explicit images.
-I am perfectly happy with the size of my own penis, sexual orientation etc and I do not get envious over other men's penises."
     
Those struck a chord with me and I wrote the following:
"MidnightDarkness666 Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist Traditional Artist  
-I am not scared of penises, sex, female genitalia or sexually explicit images.
-I am perfectly happy with the size of my own penis, sexual orientation etc and I do not get envious over other men's penises.

These two really get me. The idea that if you don't like seeing pornographic or degrading images of people you are somehow repressed, frigid or scared of sexuality is ludicrous!"

Now if you read it carefully, I am agreeing with the writer that people who try and accuse him of those are stupid. However, the author did not do so. He took it to mean the opposite and left this little comment on my profile before blocking me from replying:
"Gaelic-nautilus Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
Before you criticize other users in such a distasteful and personal manner, you should at least have the decency and humility to submit quality deviations yourself. From what I've seen you have nothing interesting or unique."

Yeah thanks guy, as if I already didn't know that, no need to rub salt in my wounds! I was originally going to put all my old stuff in Scraps, or a folder named "Old Stuff", but this has taught me, that they just make me look stupid and are better off deleted. So I have done so, not that anyone will notice. 

Looking at it now it isn't very clear but hey that's what I get for having Autism amiright? SHOOT ME. The misunderstanding makes it even more hurtful, I wanted to tell him I agreed with him and that if he read that comment closer he'd see that. But he's blocked me. Its so bad I sobbed myself to sleep last night. 

I would reach out to you all to approach him on my behalf, but that would just be pathetic and whiny on my part. Who am I kidding anyways? I know no one will read this, everyone who added me probably did it on impulse and forgot they did so in the first place. So I guess I'm just venting on the off chance someone will take notice.

Who would blame them? I update once in an age because I obsess over getting every little detail right and I don't have a graphics tablet to cut down on time. Last night when I went to draw I spent the whole time re-drawing a shoulder over and over because I couldn't get it to look right. I can see these things in my head and they look great, but when I go to put them on paper I struggle to transmit them from my mind to the page. It's the same with writing, one of the reasons I hadn't updated one of my fanfics was because I couldn't find the right words to convey what I felt in my head. I've always had that problem, learning support at Primary School spotted it back when I was misdiagnosed as dyslexic. Its so frustrating to have it up there but fail at articulating it. It causes me no end of Academic problems because my ideas are A, my writing is C.

When I think about it this whole fiasco is just par for the course for me on DA. Deviant Art has been more of a curse for me. When I joined I was opened up to a world where everyone is so much better than me, everywhere I turn. I also saw the limitless possibilities of drawing with a Graphics tablet, but have never been able to have one. Even in the un-discovered section I see more brilliance than I have shown thus far. I come up with great ideas and drawings I'm really proud of, but when I upload them here all I get is silence; no one notices. Whenever I see this meme:
Improvement Meme by yuumei 
by :iconyuumei: I get intensely jealous and feel hopelessly inadequate. Look how good she was at 13! At 15 she dismisses her stuff as just being "rather emo". Compared to that, even my current drawings are nothing but fecal matter.

In short I'm ashamed of what I've drawn in the past, upset about my current ability, frustrated at my power to articulate what I see in my head, depressed because no one favourites or comments on my stuff, I think I suck compared to everyone else and wonder why I even bother anymore.

 

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A few years after I joined DA, they introduced their new Favourites Folders. By that time being the favourites whore that I am, I had about 200 pages worth of pictures in my favourites, so this presented a problem. I am all about order and organisation, so I wanted everything to go in the order that I favourited them in and not reverse or just leaving them in the main folder.

I began the task of going through and adding them to their respective folders, this was back when DA only showed the first 5 pages or so at the bottom so it took me ages just to get to the end pages, but this became less of a problem after updates made it easier. I also stopped looking at the pictures of the artists that I was watching, so as not to make my Favourites Folder bigger.

After 3 years or so I have just finished organising my favourites and look forward to utilizing the swift drop down system for the VERY FIRST TIME since its inception. I unfortunately have 2,526 pictures from those I watch waiting for me to view them, hopefully it won't take years to go through them.    
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After all the ho hah about KONY 2012, I thought I might as well take the soap box and say my piece about charities and reflect upon the world.

Now I know that charities such as Oxfam, Invisible Children and the like do a lot of good for suffering children and people, but as for me I prefer to donate to animal charities for one simple reason:

If a Human dies there are 7 billion and more being born every minute to replace them. If one of the rare 35 Amur Leopards dies there are only 34 left.

As such I would much rather donate to WWF, RSPCA, Born Free ect. Humans are the most dangerous speiceis ever and for whatever reason, such as we are more intelligent, we no longer have religieons that worship nature but human figured gods (AKA Christianity taking out Paganism) ect. we seem to think we are the most important being out there and deserve the right to consume this planet like a virus. Well we don't, too many of us are being born than are dying and that means more houses for us, less places for animals. To sum up what I would like to see happen: Stop fucking, start dying!

What started me on this believe was an infamous animated film known for giving kids nightmares: Watership Down. In the film a young rabbit gets a vision that a bad thing will come to the warren and kill them all. He and his brother try to warn everyone unsucsessfully and instead take off with a small band of rabbits to find a new home. Later one of the rabbits that tried to stop them finds them and recants his story of what happened. What follows is a very trippy scene in which the warren tunnels were filled in and the rabbits were gassed. In panic they began crushing eachother to death trying to get out and choking in the process. Why? Why could anyone do such a thing to poor rabbits? To build a fucking housing estate thats why!

That right there sums it all up for me, not to mention all the other things we do to animals as well as stealing thier homes: Dog fighting, Cock fighting, neglect of pets, all those animals killed for Chinese medicine and while we're on the subject of the Chinese heres what they do to animals: Skin them alive for fur then throw them on a pile like rubbish to die, eat cats and dogs and keep Moon Bears in tiny cages to exstract bile for medicine. Ugh it makes me sick.

But is anyone out there actually going to listen to me? Probably not because i'm not talking about a starving child, or wanting everyone to be vegan like PETA. I like PETA but sometimes the stuff they say is too much, we're only as intelligent as we are because of the protein we eat making our brains bigger over generations. Yet we abuse that intelligence given to us by nature's bounty. I'm not saying be vegetarian or vegan, because those animals are bred for it (but Veal is evil) as long as they are treated well before they're killed. What i want to see is less wild animals being made endangered because some people are too idiotic to use a condom!

Thank You
Good Night
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Featured

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