Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Traditional Art / Hobbyist Amy Scholefield24/Female/United Kingdom Group :iconlucy-fc: Lucy-FC
The Club of the Queen
Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 28 Deviations 1,910 Comments 18,017 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Random Favourites




MidnightDarkness666's Profile Picture
Amy Scholefield
Artist | Hobbyist | Traditional Art
United Kingdom
Age: 21
Religion: Wiccan
Star Sign: Libra
Chinese Year: Monkey
Occupation: Student
Location: Northampton England

I was born in 1992 and lived in a pretty poor estate called Kings Heath until I was 12. I really hated it there, between the aggressive Staffordshire bull terriers everyone had, the screaming babies, underage mums, domestic arguments, uncontrollable kids smashing bottles at the house etc. and the lowest collective I.Q of anywhere I’ve ever been to, I’m whole heartily grateful to have left and never gone back.

I went to Kings Heath Lower School and so began the downward spiral of my school life. Unbeknownst to everyone until I was 16, I have Autism and it immediately singled me out as socially inept, a ‘weirdo’ and an easy target for bullying from the ghetto kids of the estate. As anyone who’s ever been bullied will tell you, the bullies seldom ever got punished and yet when you retaliate instead of oh say… having your head shoved against a brick wall, you are the one who is punished. This is something that can just make someone crawl with rage, or depression and yet so many teachers, if not all, do it. My conclusion is that they just can’t be bothered to deal with them. I quite often had bruises on my legs and until my mum held me back a day and photographed them all, the school didn’t do anything. However as schools always do they watched me like a Hawk and took me seriously for about a week, until they went back to ignoring me.

I didn’t have any friends and kept to myself and my imaginary fantasy worlds, as girls with Autism are prone to do. I found Maths really hard to do and understand, but I excelled at Art and History and I spent a lot of time with my Granddad Colin, who taught me about plants, animals, WW1, WW2 and my favourite… Dinosaurs! My Autism means I have intense interest and an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of subjects I’m interested in. This unfortunately left me very frustrated when I only had contact with my Mum and her friends, who were more interested in TV soaps and so and so’s new baby than all the things I knew and wanted to talk about. My Mum often told me off for ‘nattering on’ to people who ‘weren’t interested’, it was quite a few years before I was finally able to talk with like-minded people.

I was however, given something to hang on to when in 1999 a cute little electric mouse aired on British TV. Honestly Pokémon changed my life, it introduced me to Anime and lead me to where I am now. My Dad who is a classic nerd who played Dungeons and Dragons when he was my age encouraged me a lot, buying me a Gameboy Colour and Pokémon Red and Yellow as my first games. He raised me on films like Legend, The Dark Crystal, Labyrinth, Princess Bride and was happy to see his little nerd daughter blossom into her own. My Mum on the other hand being a typical girl of the 80s… was confused by it all. And when I say typical girl of the 80s I mean it, stacks of shoes she only wears once, hidden hoards of make-up she hardly ever uses and dragging me around town every other Saturday, clothes shopping. Oh Joy.

More to Come!
  • Reading: Boring Books for my University Course
  • Watching: Nostalgia Critic
  • Playing: Klonoa 2
  • Drinking: Apple and Kiwi Relentless
I recently decided to re-organise my personal art folder, taking out and storing all my old art. I stashed it along with my really old stuff that has never seen the light of day on here, and it never will, because it was embarrassing crap fuelled by the over-active and un-refined imagination of a 13 year old. I had a few laughs and felt good looking forward to the future, comparing how good I am now to the past.

A few days later I commented on a Journal :iconda-is-not-porn:

 had added to their group. The Journal, Lightly amused by the DA porn sinners.... was talking about the abuse they get from people when they remind them of the rules regarding nudity on here. They wrote a list of rebuffs against arguments people throw at them, including these two:
"-I am not scared of penises, sex, female genitalia or sexually explicit images.
-I am perfectly happy with the size of my own penis, sexual orientation etc and I do not get envious over other men's penises."
Those struck a chord with me and I wrote the following:
"MidnightDarkness666 Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist Traditional Artist  
-I am not scared of penises, sex, female genitalia or sexually explicit images.
-I am perfectly happy with the size of my own penis, sexual orientation etc and I do not get envious over other men's penises.

These two really get me. The idea that if you don't like seeing pornographic or degrading images of people you are somehow repressed, frigid or scared of sexuality is ludicrous!"

Now if you read it carefully, I am agreeing with the writer that people who try and accuse him of those are stupid. However, the author did not do so. He took it to mean the opposite and left this little comment on my profile before blocking me from replying:
"Gaelic-nautilus Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
Before you criticize other users in such a distasteful and personal manner, you should at least have the decency and humility to submit quality deviations yourself. From what I've seen you have nothing interesting or unique."

Yeah thanks guy, as if I already didn't know that, no need to rub salt in my wounds! I was originally going to put all my old stuff in Scraps, or a folder named "Old Stuff", but this has taught me, that they just make me look stupid and are better off deleted. So I have done so, not that anyone will notice. 

Looking at it now it isn't very clear but hey that's what I get for having Autism amiright? SHOOT ME. The misunderstanding makes it even more hurtful, I wanted to tell him I agreed with him and that if he read that comment closer he'd see that. But he's blocked me. Its so bad I sobbed myself to sleep last night. 

I would reach out to you all to approach him on my behalf, but that would just be pathetic and whiny on my part. Who am I kidding anyways? I know no one will read this, everyone who added me probably did it on impulse and forgot they did so in the first place. So I guess I'm just venting on the off chance someone will take notice.

Who would blame them? I update once in an age because I obsess over getting every little detail right and I don't have a graphics tablet to cut down on time. Last night when I went to draw I spent the whole time re-drawing a shoulder over and over because I couldn't get it to look right. I can see these things in my head and they look great, but when I go to put them on paper I struggle to transmit them from my mind to the page. It's the same with writing, one of the reasons I hadn't updated one of my fanfics was because I couldn't find the right words to convey what I felt in my head. I've always had that problem, learning support at Primary School spotted it back when I was misdiagnosed as dyslexic. Its so frustrating to have it up there but fail at articulating it. It causes me no end of Academic problems because my ideas are A, my writing is C.

When I think about it this whole fiasco is just par for the course for me on DA. Deviant Art has been more of a curse for me. When I joined I was opened up to a world where everyone is so much better than me, everywhere I turn. I also saw the limitless possibilities of drawing with a Graphics tablet, but have never been able to have one. Even in the un-discovered section I see more brilliance than I have shown thus far. I come up with great ideas and drawings I'm really proud of, but when I upload them here all I get is silence; no one notices. Whenever I see this meme:
Improvement Meme by yuumei 
by :iconyuumei: I get intensely jealous and feel hopelessly inadequate. Look how good she was at 13! At 15 she dismisses her stuff as just being "rather emo". Compared to that, even my current drawings are nothing but fecal matter.

In short I'm ashamed of what I've drawn in the past, upset about my current ability, frustrated at my power to articulate what I see in my head, depressed because no one favourites or comments on my stuff, I think I suck compared to everyone else and wonder why I even bother anymore.


AdCast - Ads from the Community




Add a Comment:
Kyu3118 Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2015
thank you for the watch and fav >w</
LusoTeixeira Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks for Faving XDDD
shingamagic Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thank you for fav my LucyLove 
CirculatingDreamer Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Thanks for faving
KailiStark Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Thank you for the fav :)
canofoilstuff Featured By Owner May 31, 2014
thanks for the fave!
Ms-Silver Featured By Owner May 13, 2014  Professional Artisan Crafter
Thankies for teh Fav! ^~^
dove-51 Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you so much for faving Happy Easter by KmyGraphic
FlynnRyder Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you so much for all the faves! :tighthug: Very much appreciated! Oh and thank you for the llama!
Add a Comment: