Following on from my previous entry I think it's time to tell you all of my past horros and how they have shaped me, also so all can see that I don't deserve this pain no matter what that bastard says; when I've never hurt people for no reason, but to have been hurt in someway by nearly everyone I know, so here goes:

Do I deserve in lower school to have come home with bruises covering my arms and legs? Do I deserve to have been slammded against a wall and when I fought back to have been punished? To have the son of a trashy slut have made my life a recuring hell eg. scribbling on my pictures and phisically abusing me? Do I deserve to have been strangled by a boy in middle school? To have been emotionally terrified to even go through the gates? To have had to bite him on the arm to make him stop strangling me? Then when I went to the head teacher to have her believe his side of the story and not let me tell her the truth? To whenever I asked for help been ignored and have the teachers defend him? To have been so traumatised to have my dad pull me out of school and now only tell me ignore it? Do I deserve to have been made scared shitless of police because my dad called them when my mum mixed alchohol wrong in a fit of despair and turnded violent. To have been left crying for ages by the door to my room only to be made to go to school the next day? To have self harmed for the first time when I was 9-10, because I was fed up with my mum constantly nagging me? To have grown up with nothing but arguments between my parents about my dad cheating and to have still loved him because I didn't understad what it meant? To have him make empty promises all my life that we'd be a family together one day? And now we do live together the only thing thats changed is his cheating (so far)? to have been riddiculded by kids younger than me, making my life hell for two years over a rumor? To have tried to strangle myself, hit my head with stones, dragged my nails down my skin to leave marks upon it, ripped at the skin around my nails till they bled and were sore, to have wished I could turn my headphones up so loud I could defen myself to make it go away because of it? To not be able to talk to my parents about it because they'd call me a stupid girl? To have left my councilor happy only to have been brought back down by them the moment I got out like they were some kind of emotional vampiers? To have my dad more concernded with his online game than his family?

And most of all... to have had a boyfreind who promised you that he'd protect me, that he was going to get me out of this hell and we'd live happily ever after and that no matter what we two would last forever... Only to have all of it shattered in one evening? Compleletly out of the blue? And the Friday before my Grandfarther would be buried on Tuesday?

... Nothing has hurt more than that...